Dwelling on the Past..(again...Big Surprise)...

Yeah...here I go again...

I don't know what brought in on exactly...Maybe it has been the recent "stuff" about the other guy...or maybe it was the tequila I was drinking tonight...

But to make a long story short-- I found myself on You Tube...AGAIN...listening to nostaligic music from my college years...Perhaps it was because I was more innocent then...more pure...less...corrupt?....

I keep thinking to those times when I was cute and sweet and unadulterated...Not that life was perfect then, becausee it wasn't-- belive me...I was HIGHLY eating disordered...Nonetheless, I was young, thin, athletic, artistic, and had hope...Now I'm getting older, I've lost my creative edge, I have chronic tendonitis, and I feel less desirable....Not to mention I am often in a shitty mood...

I know it is not a good idea to find one's self worth through others. I am a logical, albeit, emotional person. I don't know what to do with all these feelings really, except perhaps create more art from it. Most of my art is a creation of my pain. (I obviously don't show it here for anonymity reasons, but you catch my drift)...

Anyway, I apologize if I am rambling, I am half drunk...I enjoy writing in this blog on my "drunk" nights :)...Here is a video representing the college years. It fucks with my head in certain ways..(eating disordered and all-- although, I dont' look it these days-- I have no will power to be "skinny"...I look more thin/average now)...But this song was in when I was in college. I listened to it a lot right after I parted ways with Jeremy and what's his face....It makes me feel sad somehow...