Little to No Motivation...

I'm having trouble making myself do anything today (or this week )..other than writing this post of course.

I am specifically referring to my artwork. I just don't have the zest for it I did in my younger years. I think it was because back then I was doing it for theraputic purposes, and I also had specific assignments I needed to get done by a certain day. Now that I am actually trying to sell my art, it seems to be clouding what I am doing. Like I am "watering it down", so to speak. Making it slightly less bizarre, in hopes of being more main stream. And obviously that's not working...Sales are down, and I am not particularly interested in what I am doing a lot of the time. Perhaps it's because I'm a depressive...

I know...wah, wah,wah.... :)

So I don't know if there is really a point to this post other than to say I have some serious fucking artist's block. I wish I had a list of some of my cool old assignments from college, to spark my interest...I guess I will have to try and remember what some of them were...

So I Really Wish I Could Go Back to School Again...

I know I can't handle the stress though. Most grad schools for fine art require you to go full time, and this is not something I can do. I know this because I tried, and it didn't work. I only lasted a few days....(It also wasn't that great of a school though, so maybe that had something to do with it). Even as an undergrad I had to go part time though, because of my inability to handle stress...

There is a part of me that won't feel complete unless I get an MFA. As stupid and impractacle as that may sound, it's just something I really, really WANT...I've been out of the loop for so long now it would be hard to get into a good school. (Even if I could handle the stress)...The school I actually got into, when I tried, was my last choice.

It hit me again yesterday, the wanting to be in school. I was on a walk, and I looked up and saw this old red, brick building. It looked like the some of the buildings from my undergrad university, and there was a slight breeze. The physical sensation of it all gave me this deja vu thing for fall semester of my freshman year of college. That whole scene-- the building, the breeze, some 18 year old looking kid tossing a football, reminded me of that time. (and by the way jocks annoy me so that wasn't particularly related to the nostalgia-- just a side note)...

Anway, I hope I can handle school again someday...maybe...hopefully...I almost feel like I'm too old now! :O ...