Ok, maybe I was Being Paranoid...

I think living with Sam with be Ok. I guess it's just like many roomate situations-- just needed a period of adjustment....I'm still without my own internet and still using his laptop so this will be brief. I still have not heard from Josh. It was 2 weeks ago I last spoke with him. He has been gone for 3 weeks now. This truly sucks. He loves his new city though. I can't blame him for not calling...I've also been reflecting on all the fucked up things I have done this year. I was very very naughty this year...in some ways for the good and some ways for the bad...I need to get my shit together, this much is obvious.

Perhaps I am the Problem...

For a large portion of my life I thought everyone else was the problem. A common thought, correct?

But how could the whole world, with over 5 billion people be in the wrong, and I be in the right? (sorry if this was not stated in proper English by the way)...granted this is a broad generalization-- but you know what I mean.

I lost my childhood friends. Maybe it wasn't cause they were snobby, maybe it was because I was hyper and obnoxious. The boys in college didn't take interest in me-- maybe it wasn't because they were arrogant-- maybe it was cause I dressed like a little tomboy and had no self esteem. I had problems at most crappy paying jobs I've had since college-- maybe the people weren't all totatlly stupid/inept (though some definitely were to some degree)-- maybe it was because I was an arrogant little shit who thought I was better than the job. (A degree from a good university doesn't mean shit I have discovered if it's just in art and you have no job skills)...

Basically, I am over myself. I have realized I had an ego, and perhaps I shouldn't have. I am a little fish in a huge pond now. Insted of a medium sized fish in a little one...ya know...but how do I put this realization to use?

I haven't figured that out totally, except I am slightly more humbled perhaps. Still feeling sorry for myself, but humbled nonetheless...