I am Scared of Life...

I think perhaps this is my biggest problem. That and the fact that I am a perfectionist. I worry that if I screw up (whatever it is I am doing) I will ruin my future chances...of whatever...I am also so afraid of failure I often don't try things....

Let me put it to you this way. I did well in school. I have book smarts, and went to a college that is ranked in the top 50 in the entire country. I will say though, back when I went it was easier to get in. Not sure if I could get in now...But if I could do that, and still did well, (even though I went part time)...it leads me to believe that fear of failure is what is holding me back. Now, if kids I went to high school with, who barely pulled of b's and c's are now nurses, you would think I could do more than work in a coffee shop for $7 an hour...

Maybe I just need to not be so scared and do SOMETHING. I am thinking a tech degree. I already have a bachelors...(in art, so it's pretty useless)....I need something to earn $25,000 to $30,000 per year. I think then I would be self sufficient. Not living high on the hog obviously, but enough to pay my own bills...no help from my dad.

Why am I so fucking scared of everything? Oh wait, it's because I don't want to fuck up. But wait, by not trying I am fucking up. I really want to go to med school. I fear though I will have a nervous breakdown trying...and I still would need to do like 2 more years of undergrad science...uh...maybe not a good idea....I would really like that though!!! ;)

This fear of life, failure and everything has affected my relationships with men too...I have let too many men (and boys when I was younger) just float on by, figuring they would leave anyway. Perhaps this was a self fulfilling profecy.....I could have had sex that one time with Josh, and now he's gone...one minor example, but you know??? man...

I need to not be so scared of everything and do SOMETHING.....Yeah, I've been out of school so long maybe a diploma program or tech degree...

No Word From Josh...

Granted, it's only been a few days, but still....I feel that my most recent email was a bit to rambling, and perhaps the straw that broke the camels back. If that is even really possible at this point)...I wonder if it was apparent I was totally bombed at the time I wrote it. He once said he doesn't want to date anyone too much like him. Josh drinks a lot. I drink a lot. He's been in rehab. I have not. Let's just say I like to get shitfaced, but I function. Josh reached a stage where he cut down on the hard stuff, and he now drinks a six pack every night. Once in a while he goes out and gets shit faced. He admits he has trouble once he goes for the hard stuff. Anyway, my point is that I fear he thinks I am a drunk. I hope he does not think that. I do like to drink, I won't deny that. I dont' think I've reaches the status yet though, of being a drunk. I suppose it doesn't matter anyway. He is gone. I miss him. Sam ran into one of his friends today while we were at the vet getting our dog fixed. Sam mentioned he would be going down to Josh's new city to visit. I wish I could come. I won't ask of course...I feel like an ass as it is. Anyway, I'm sure Sam will want me to watch the dog. Tonight Sam is trying to seduce "Asheley." They are currently in the backyard doing some kind of candle light thing...I'm glad I figured Sam out before I actually fell for him. That dude is fickle. One minute he was in love with Kim, and then it was back to Ashley...and then the Asian nurse, and now back to Ashely...this is why I try not to get involved with younger men...

Josh Called!!! :D

Now, I know I shouldn't get to excited because he's 10 hours away and all-- but still! :)....(oh yes, and then he did call the guy in the studio next to me about a half an hour after that)...but anyway, it made me really happy! :) I can dream, right?...

It was a pretty normal, basic conversation, though I will say I was really anxious, so I wouldn't say it was as smooth as it could have been. At the beginning I kept talking at the same time he did.. :O ...He basically called as a response to my email. (I think)...He said he got my email thanking him, and said "you're welcome." He also said he's not much of an email person. (good to know :)...He said he knew the piece he gave me wasn't the one I really wanted and I said, "no, I really like it!" ....

He told me about what he has been up to. He has been settling into his new place, set up his studio, and did a commission. He also found a park to walk his dog at. He says that's what wakes him up in the morning because he doesn't drink coffee. He also was able to paint again for the first time in about 3 weeks, and I commented that must have felt good :) I asked him if he would be staying in his new city forever and he said probably not, but he was really into it right now. I said that was how I felt about my current city, and eventually I want to end up in the Pacific Northwest where the "outdoorsy" people are...He said it sounds like it. (I have told him this before). He said he should probably go (get off the phone)...and eluded to something he had to do. I said if he ever felt like calling he could, if he wanted to do our old "suck it, lick it" routine. (We used to say this back and forth to one another :)...He said Ok, I'll talk to you soon :)

Did he mean it? Will he be talking to me soon???? Am I supposed to call him, or will he call me? What does this mean??? :O ...My friend David said it means I am on his "list." (ie: of friends)...maybe he just called to be polite in response to my email????

One of the new guys who are now sharing Josh's studio lease said that he thought Josh would be back in like a month to bring more paintings :)...this excites me...I shouldn't get to excited though...I think...

Slowly Moving in with Sam...

I have been moving boxes of my stuff over to Sam's house this week. I am happy I will be saving money, but I will miss living on my own in a way-- I'm a pretty private person. I really don't like people I know, knowing that much about me, unless they are a close friend. Sam and I are pretty good friends though, so I think we will be OK-- especially with the dog there :)

I also wonder if this may help with communications with Josh down the road. It may be a long shot but you never know...maybe next time Josh is in town he will come and visit Sam...He did say though, that his only really close friends still in this town are his former roomate (a girl) and his former model who is a pharmacist...I also can't help but wonder if Josh will ever ask Sam about our living situation...(You never know)...and hopefully Sam will say something good, and Josh will realize I am not an insane person who parties everyday...

I wonder when (if ever) I will hear from Josh...maybe not until he returns to town? I hope he doesn't come back during one of my absenses...I have 2 trips planned this summer...

I Spoke With My Friend Beth on Facebook Tonight......

She is the one who is having a rapturous love affair with my artist friend David. (they share a studio)...I told her that Josh left me an original work of art. She seemed to think this was something special. She said she would not leave an original work of art for someone unless they meant something to her...

This made me very happy :) Granted, it was a quicker original for him-- (a drawing/painting) and he works quickly.....probably took him like an hour or two vs. 10-- but still!!! Beth's input made me happy. She is one of the two people in my city who know the "full" Josh story...

I really miss him. He is gone. I have not heard from him. This does not surprise me, but makes me sad. I only emailed him a day ago though, I have no idea whether or not he will ever email me back...or call me...in terms of calls I think I left the ball in his court....I have been listening to this song a lot the last few days...maybe it's because it makes a reference to Dali and his wife Gala???? I actually mostly enjoy the melody...I discovered just a day or two ago there is an artist reference--our song perhaps? I have no idea...I would love it if we could have a song though...'cause ya know I'm sappy like that! :)

I Almost Called Josh but Then I Chickened Out...

Instead, I contacted him through his website. This is what I wrote:

Hey Josh!

Thanks for the painting! :) I definitely wasn't expecting that, and really appreciate it-- thank you. I love your series with the abstracted couples. I almost called you to thank you, but I am guessing you are probably pretty busy right now, so I didn't want to bug ya.

I hope you made it down there safely and that your cat was sufficiently drugged :D...Was your dog OK? I hope so-- give her a big hug and kiss for me! :D...I hope you are diggin your new place too, and that everything is going great!

Kelly :)

....I decided to contact him through his websight instead of calling for a variety of reasons. Here they are:

1) I don't want to seem desperate
2) I have pretty bad social anxiety, and worry I would start rambling like an idiot,
and say something stupid, and/or make myself look stupid...I just worry about
generally embarrassing myself I guess.
3) David didn't think I should call. He liked the idea of the email. He said he
thought Josh just gave me the picture because perhaps he felt badly about how
hard he has been on me lately. (like this was a way of apologizing or something).

I hope this kind of puts the ball in his court, so to speak. It will be interesting
to see if he emails me back at all, or ever contacts me. I don't have my hopes up, but you never know.

And the Plot Thickens...

Wow...well maybe A LITTLE...Maybe I am just wishful thinking.

So I had not been up at my studio since the night Josh left, and as previously stated I didn't see him that one last time. I didn't want to humiliate myself..I popped up there today to bring some art stuff up from my apartment....and what did I find????

An original work of art by Josh. Yes, it is true... :D ....It wasn't one of his huge oil paintings or anything, but still-- wow! I wasn't expecting that at all-- totally caught me off guard. It is one of his abstract drawings of a man and a woman embracing. He wrote a tiny note on the back of one of his business cards, and taped it to the package. Here's what it said:

To Kelly

Sorry it's not the original
you wanted but it's an original
for you! Josh

Wow. This is very flattering. Maybe this means we can in the very least be friends or something? I want to call and thank him but I am nervous. I really should though...Perhaps I should show this to Sam and get his opinion on the matter. He knows Josh well, and also knows how I feel about him. As shitty as I have been feeling about the situation, this makes me feel a little better at least :)

Josh is Gone...Back to Reality...

Kind of....

I took the day off today. I haven't taken a day off from going to the studios in over a month. This happened for a couple reasons:

1) I have really been into the painting I have been working on
2) Wanted to have every opportunity to potentially spend time with Josh

Being there did not help the Josh situation. Perhaps he just thought-- man! that girl doesn't have a life...who knows, but anyway, I took a day off, just like back in the days when I was still with my ex-boyfriend and not chasing the boys at the studios...

I actually went and did some errands with Sam today, as he is temporarily without a car, and I will be moving in with him during the next week or so...I met the dog today too! She's a sweetie :)-- I am very much looking forward to having a dog, I think it will be therapuetic...sometimes I have significant issues with social anxiety, even around Sam occassionaly-- so the dog will help. I am fairly comfortable with Sam though, more so than most people in my city..

I also went through some of my stuff and boxed up some things for the move. I think I may bring the first load over tomorrow...it is time for me to focus on my shit...

No Goodbyes...

No fanfare...nothing...

Perhaps it is best this way. I saw Josh briefly today, as he was in and out of the studio moving stuff to his vehicle. There was brief, normal chit chat that co-workers would have, but nothing special. I left around 5:30 and was at home for almost 2 hours. I then returned to my studio and saw he had been back in my absence, and had taken what was most likely the second to last load. I stuck around for about a half hour. I actually felt like painting, but felt odd being there. When he showed up for the last load I didn't want him to think I was waiting for him, like a fucking stalker or something...

I kind of wanted a last goodbye, but at the same time it would be hard. Particularly because he is moving, and apparently not into me. It would be like pouring salt in the wound. I have already had enough awkwardness with him in the last month. He knows how I feel about things, and he doesn't want to go there. Why make his last night here awkward for him. Or for me. He pulls out of town around 6 AM tomorrow.

I'm Really Glad the Mercury Retrograde is Over...

For those of you out there in cyberspace who are not familiar with mercury in retrograde, it basically means communications get totally fucked up. This explains some of the Josh problems perhaps...

Today we had a slightly normal conversation. He was up at the studio doing some things to get his studio in order and he chatted with me a bit. We talked about the career stuff and he said he got so frustrated when he talked to me about this, as he is under the impression I don't know what I want to do. I said I know, we don't have to talk about it. I tried to explain to him again, that I do want to do art for a living, but I am very practical and like to have a steady paycheck. I said I am trying to decide on what type of day job to support my art, until the art takes off (or if it doesn't). I THINK he kind of gets where I am coming from now, even though it drives him nuts....

I felt kind of stupid, so I began to walk away, and he then said I hope you don't think I am being too hard on you. I said I didn't think he was being too hard on me, but he did hurt my feelings a few days ago when he said no one here has any hopes and dreams, and he lumped me into that category. He said he was sorry. I said it's OK. Maybe now that the retrograde is over he gets where I'm coming from a little more.

We also talked a bit about his plans for the week as he arrives in his new city. He'll be getting furniture and such, and then he will start to paint again, etc....

On another interesting side note: my exboyfriend was cleaning his stuff out of my apartment last night, and had a spare key. So he bursts into my apartment at 2 AM, when I am asleep and says something to the effect of: "I"m taking the external harddrive!...and who are you out sleeping with?!?!" I was groggy and half asleep adn told him the truth-- I'm not sleeping with anybody.

Unfortunatley, I have no sex life...

The Wild Night..Unforuntately, no sex though...

So Josh was up at the studios today, and at one point asked me if I was going to the concert in the park. I said I didn't know there was a concert (I didn't-- I don't pay attention to such things, top self absorbed).....Knowing this, I ended up going to the concert. Some people from work saw me there and flagged me down. My friend "Maureen" found me and said I was wandering around like I was looking for someone. She said she thought I was looking for "Josh>"...shit,...does everybody know????I said I was looking for beer...and also my friend Kim...

I ended up in the mosh pit drinking beer and jumping up and down. I caught up with most of them after the concert. We went to a house. Josh was there....I played the drums and accidentally broke a bed...I jumped on it.. :O...I said I would pay for it...I feel bad...I hope she calls me...I will totally pay her back...

The just of the story is that Josh and I ignored each other even though we were both drinking. I ignored him because I didnt' want to seem needy...maybe he ignored me because he can't stand me....whatever...I dont' know...he did give the eye to the 21 year old in the mini skirt though...made me wanna fucking puke...she is the sister of one of our friends,.....he flirted at ONE point with me earlier, but only that one point....he was OBVIOUSLY fucked up...,most likely alcohol and weed....

Basically he ignored me...but oddly enough watched out for me in a way...at one point shots of wiskey were purchased and he wouldn't let me have one. I wanted one and he tried to give it to someone else, I kept reaching for it...I said I would behave myself. another dude gave me part of his shot and Josh said, "that guy is out of here."...we then left, he oggled the little girl...and another dude (who is sweet and trustworthy (walked me home)...

why was Josh checking out the young gal instead of me? Was it because she was younger or drunker? :(...oh well...

PS: when we were all going to part ways Josh asked me if I was good and I said yes. I hugged him and said something to the effect of, "I can hold back when I need to" and I told him to have a good night. I kissed him on the cheek, as he most likely thought of the other gal...One of my other friends walked me home.

NADA....Zilch...yes, it is true....

No signs of Josh at the studios today, unless he got there way earlier than I did. I think he is avoiding me. So be it....it makes me sad though. I miss his friendship and raunchy obnoxious banter if nothing else. He must have been with "friends" today. I think he pulls out of town permanently on Sunday...

He said yesterday, most of his true friends have already left town. He said his only "good/true" friends still in town are his former model (who is a pharmacist and makes $120,000 per year, and his former roommate (a girl) who is an architect/baddass bartender...apparently they are both strong woman-- I am the opposite of that-- a total weakling...I am guessing he may have told one or both of them about my unrequited love for him...not because I am anything special, but because it feels good to be admired...if someone had a thing for me I might tell a couple of my friends...

Today his "neighbor" with the big boobs showed up-- 6 PMish. This was the gal he made the comment to another artist about-- how she had big boobs adn was wearing a tank top at the dog park. She showed up in a cute little dress and asked for Josh's phone number. I gave it to her natur-ally....I think she probably wants to do him or something...we all do...I will say though, other than her boobs, she is not much to look at...not that I should talk, but she doesn't seem like his type. He likes petite woman who are cute and makeupy....she is tall and not overly beautiful...big boobs though...oh well...

who knows what he did today. I am trying not to think about it. He will be gone in a few days, and perhaps I can move on with my life.

The Final Nail in the Coffin...??? :(

This makes me sad. I was really into this guy Josh. He has been doing the usual "avoiding" me for the most part, but with a little chit chat here and there. He has had opportunities to invite me places, spend time with me...blah blah blah...but he hasn't.

This evening I had a few beers with my artist buddy David (he's the dude who's in his late 50's), and we talked about life and relationships. I then got back to the studios and Josh was there. I chatted with him a bit and discovered more about him, and perhaps why he is not into me...This conversation took place in his studio, and as I had a few beers in me I mustered up the courage to talk to him a bit more than I had in recent memory...

He said he would leave right now if he could, and he was merely waiting on his lease. He also commented more on people in out city not really having any dreams, and partying too much. I find this odd personally, as he drinks quite a bit, and one of his good friends is becoming an anesthesiologist...anyway, I think basically he is trying to get away from the party scene to improve his life...maybe he thinks I am a partier??? I drink some with friends, but I don't go to bars alone or anything...As my friend David said, Josh is hard on people. Even Josh has said this...his expectations are very high. I am the opposite. I am hard on myself, but quite lenient with others.

Josh even commented on how he grouped me in with those types who don't know what they want to do. That hurt a bit. I do know what I want to do, but don't have the confidence he has. He asked me if I had decided what I wanted to do, and I told him I want to be an artist. I also commented I am extremely practical, and know I need to do something in addition to this. He said he didn't understand the lack of confidence thing, and couldn't relate to it. I told him I was picked on a lot as a teenager and never really fit it-- that was probably a big part of it. I also said I had to "de-program" my brain in this city, and get away from the beliefs that were instilled in me by my family. I was raised in such a way where I thought I had to have a masters degree or Phd or something to be acceptable-- to be some type of white collar person...I basically said I am slowly coming into my own.

Another interesting thing he said was that his former girlfriend was SO postitive, about everything she did-- and that really drew him to her. I can't remember what I said before this, but he said this about his ex in response to what I said...it was almost like another way of shooting me down-- I am too negative about myself..He also commented that the dating pool here is small and he doesn't like to date other artists because he doesn't like to date people like himself. What the hell is that supposed to mean??? Other than the fact that he just is not that into me...

Then Sam popped in and we all chatted for a while. Josh said he was going to some person's house for a few beers, and Sam knew these people too. He invited Sam to stop by, but not me. And there is the final nail in the coffin...

Alone...

I am temporarily writing about my lack of love life on this blog, as my other one is on hiatus....

Nothing is going on. Josh is in town for a week "relaxing" as his new lease in his new city does not start until June 1. I haven't really gotten much more than a "hello" when he pops up into the studios, and then he disappears. I think he leaves permanently on Sunday. (but he'll be back every couple of months to drop off paintings at the gallery he shows at here)...Today he was golfing with his friends apparently. I spoke to my ex boyfriend Greg today, who lives across the country. He explained to me that if Josh had any interest in me he would make an effort to spend time with me. He has not....My other friend from the same city as Greg, who I will call "Hannah", seems to think he is just focusing on moving and does not want to hurt me...whatever...either way I will have to deal....

FUCK!!!!! Josh is so my type... ;(...He is funny, crass, confident, athletic...a bit of a bad boy, but really a good boy...and he has broad shoulders...anda tatoo.... :) ...oh well...

Alex is apparently trying to sublet his studio-- perhaps his philandering ways caught up with him...Sam said Alex was trying to get rid of his studio because he's not making enough money there...DUH!!!! That's because he's NEVER there...how can you sell shit if you are not there? he was gone for 2 ENTIRE months, and after than he shows up like once a week...That is his karma...he fucked over and hurt multiple women, avoided the studios, and as a result is not making any money there. I hope he enjoys his life...living off his school teacher common law wife and looking at internet porn on a daily basis...luckily the flirting with Josh helped me get over that asshole....

So this leaves me in an interesting position. The dude I fucked and was mega into is leaving the studios...the guy I was REALLY into and made out with is moving to another city...and the guy who was kind of my fuck buddy is the guy who I will soon be rooming with!!! :D ...geez...my life is rather surreal/bizarre...

Umm...

Why do I always fall for men I can't have?

Exhibit A: boyfriend #1...much older and never wanted to marry...we are still
friends, he is very supportive of me emotionally
Exhibit 2: alcoholic with no interest in sex.....but he really is a good friend
exhibit 3: really hot artist dude who is in a long term relatioship with someone
else...mental/emotional connection...hot sex...he won't talk to me
anymore...probably because he fears I will mess up his "safe" situation
exhibit 4: hot art dude who is kind of a jock and is moving away soon...(within
days)...we have similar boisterous personaltities

Do I seek out situations in which I am doomed to fail??? Or maybe I just like a challenge???? I hope something will work out eventually....

Yesterday:

The Good Things (Karma):
1) I volunteered agan
2) I didn't flirt with Sam, and I refuse to seduce him (Kim is too nice of a person)
3) I gave the artist across the way from me half of my sub sandwhich because he was
hungry. (It was the least I could do, he has listed to me complain about Alex for
the last 6 months-- and he sold one of my little prints)...
4) Kim asked me if I wanted to grab a bite with her and Sam and I declined

The Bad Things:
1) Had pissed off angry thoughts about Alex and how he will never talk to me again
2) Was jealous of Sam and Kim's relationship, even though Sam is not my type-- they
are good together...
3) Kim said she owes their relationship to me (because I nudged them along)...that
made me feel a little guilty because she doesn't know how recently I slept with
him
4) pissed at Sam because he had sex with me a few times, but never took me "out" or
called...he calls Kim and takes her "out"...
5) as a result of all of the above, drank too much wine last night
6) feeling sorry for myself again...

I started project "Improve Myself" Yesterday :)

I did go and do some volunteering in the AM, and in the afternoon I behaved myself. This basically means I didn't get overly flirtatious with Sam up at the studios, as my friend Kim likes him. The only really BAD thing I did yesterday was that I let my ex-boyfriend buy me stuff...I do feel a little guilty about letting him buy me lunch and renting us movies, as I know I can never get back together with him. I do like having him as a friend though. Life is confusing...I am trying to balance my karma, and make sure that it is good karma...the karma of lately seems to have been bad...

The Passion

I need to write about this. Seriously-- before I forget. 4 months have lapsed now since my last interaction with Alex. I deleted all my other posts about our interations (because I'm fucking stupid), so lets see what I can remember of our little love affair....

I first met him in January of 2008. I was up at the studios "exploring"-- I wondered who got the open studio-- it was him. (I was on the waiting list)...I remember the first time I met him. He was sitting on his little swivel chair and talking to me. He was so calm and confident-- overwhelmingly attractive. For some reason I thought he was a couple of years older than me. Perhaps it was his calm, cool demeanor. Turns out he's 2 months younger than me. We are both currently 31...It was a brief innocent chat, but I felt at ease. I remember this. And I remember he was attractive.

I moved into the next open studio in March of 2008. Over the next couple of months I chatted with him on and off. I remember he and Same came over to see my studio and Sam introduced him as some odd sounding name. It was interesting they both came over to check out my studio at the same time-- like they were taking a field trip or something....(spring 2008). Some time over the spring I developed a crush on Alex. I know we talked, but I can't remember about what. I recall looking for him out in the courtyard, it made me happy and excited...we had a "vibe"..

Sometime in the early summer I belive, I came to the conclusion Alex was a player. I saw him with Sam's skinny little horsefaced art assistant. They were walking up the stairs together and she had this "look" on her face. (and of course she's 7 years younger than me, and also taller and skinnier-- in terms of proportion anyway)...Happy/enthralled/in love-- you know that look...I ignored him for a while. I should have stuck with that instinct. Eventually he came to me...we started talking/flirting again...She disappeared... Perhaps Alex was bored in her absense, or fucking her in private-- I really have no idea.

Fall 2009. One of the most passionate, and most stupid times in my life. We flirted intensely. Perhaps (in retrospect), it was a result of the absense of the horseface). I did not know that at the time of course...He had a way of looking at me as if I was naked. He asked me very personal questions, but not in a "pervey" way. He asked me about my life, my struggles, my pain. He got into my head, he got into my heart. It's almost as if he had a book of "gaining a women's trust and love so you can get into her pants"...I felt oddly close to him. And it's hard for me to feel this with anyone.

I remember one of the first overtly sexual flirtations. I was making some kind of odd joke about how I was really born a man, but my thinie had been burned off in a freak circumsision accident...He said "really, can I see?"....and he meant it...he said it in this calm, serious...I want to look at your genitals kind of way...I think this was when the flirting got heavier...I think this was August??? Maybe early Sept???

More flirting, more intense personal conversations....He made some type of sexual comment (referring to us). I belive this must have been in Sept. I said something to the effect of-- "well, you'll have to use a condom, because I'm not on Birth control." This was when things became sort of serious...He later said he knew this was when it might actually happen.

I'll save the rest for another post...long story...I think I will put this on my other blog too...

I Think I am Ready to Let go of my Ex...

For real, actually. I have been reluctant to remove my alcohohlic ex-boyfriend from my life, as I have often felt I don't really have much of a "support system" here so to speak. (I am a long way from home). Anyway, at this point perhaps I have enough friends where I will be "OK." I am broke and don't have a job, but not as scared as I was a few months ago. I am simplifying my life. I am eating sandwhiches instead of going out to buy a burger. I am probably going to move in with one of my artist friends when my lease is up in 2 months.

I can't deal with the drama anymore. My ex called me in the middle of the night, saying he was drunk and he wanted me to come over. I can't do that anymore. I'm not going to do that anymore.

Alex was at the studios today

And he ignored me. In fact, he left within a few minutes of my arrival there. Fucking asshole. How can you be sexually involved with someone on an ongoing basis, and just blow them off...MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!

yeah, he had one "Normal" conversation with me 2 months ago before I went on vacation. Said he'd take me for a burger or something when I got back so we could talk. 2 MONTHS AGO!!!!! What a fucking prick!!!! Karma comes around for sure. I know-- this is one of the worst fucking deprssions I have experienced in my life (the last few months). I'm sure it will come back to him as well.