Went Home to Visit...

It has actually been an enlightening experience. I have grown a greated appreciation for my friends and family, even though they piss me off sometimes. Also, I am reminded (by myself), that I am not perfect, and perhaps I overract to various situations and people...

Something has changed in me as of late. I have let go of certain expectations of myself, adn also of other people. I think I will be ok. Even if I am barely scraping by, earning $8 an hour I think I will be OK. I'm not sure what brought about this change exactly, but something changed. Have I hit a rock bottom? This year has been REALLY BAD, and I've experienced many lossed and various humiliations, so maybe that is part of it. Who knows...something has chilled a bit within my psyche though..

Currently

I dropped out of the tech school classes...I was in a very bad place...the air force guy dumped me, my ex got another girl, my gramma died...I was having problems with my artist friends ( a couple of them) and moved to another building...to much at one time...

Things are clearing a bit now...I've excepted that my ex fiance and I are toxic for one another, and also I love him adn took him for granted. We both made mistakes, adn both know it cannot work. I am trying to figure out how much contact I should have with him...I think the air force guy and I will remain friends, but knowing him, I'm guessing he'll be chasing a lot of tail when he gets back, so I'll only talk to him/see him when he needs advice...

money...who knows...disability for now, but now forever...I want to be self sufficient eventually, but I need to be emotionally stable a bit longer before I can go off or go back to school...

I just need to remind myself that these stressful times-- these too, shall pass...it will be OK. I say this to other people, but often forget to remind myself of this.