Currently

I dropped out of the tech school classes...I was in a very bad place...the air force guy dumped me, my ex got another girl, my gramma died...I was having problems with my artist friends ( a couple of them) and moved to another building...to much at one time...

Things are clearing a bit now...I've excepted that my ex fiance and I are toxic for one another, and also I love him adn took him for granted. We both made mistakes, adn both know it cannot work. I am trying to figure out how much contact I should have with him...I think the air force guy and I will remain friends, but knowing him, I'm guessing he'll be chasing a lot of tail when he gets back, so I'll only talk to him/see him when he needs advice...

money...who knows...disability for now, but now forever...I want to be self sufficient eventually, but I need to be emotionally stable a bit longer before I can go off or go back to school...

I just need to remind myself that these stressful times-- these too, shall pass...it will be OK. I say this to other people, but often forget to remind myself of this.

So I am Staying Out of Town...(with my ex, ex boyfriend)

I changed my plane ticket to stay out of town a week longer. It cost me $150-- ouch! I probably should not have done this, as I have no income...I just felt I needed to though. I need one more week away from the chaos with my ex, and the "alex" thing.

Perhaps this will let my ex know he really can't count on me for money. He needs to ask his rich parents. (and they are rich-- they have a "lake home" for Christ's sake, in addition to their normal gigantic home, and their designer pure bred dogs, and all their big cars and fancy gagets)...anyway....

I am currently staying with my ex, ex boyfriend, with whom I am still good friends. I will refer to him as "Greg.". Greg and I were together for 4 years on and off, before I was with my most recent ex. Greg and I basically broke it off because he's not the settling down type...he's a bit older than me too.

We are good friends though, and we always will be...as far as I know. He's like the only person I can always count on. I feel "safe" here....however, there are no opportunities in the arts in this city. Or I should say, there are very LIMITED opportunities here. It's not a tourist town, or a big city. I don't know where I'll end up ultimately. Probably back here in another year or two.

Here's What's Going On...

So my boyfriend (soon to be ex boyfriend), was fired from yet another job. He then proceeded to go on a 5 day drinking binge and did not help me pay any of the bills this month. (So my checking account has mostly been depleted)...

He wound up in the ER on Thanksgiving, and they locked him up in some hospital (a state hostpital)? until Monday. I don't even know exactly where they are keeping him because I won't answer his phone calls. I talked to him once and said I don't want to talk to him. He called me like crazy on Friday and part of yesterday, but now he finally stopped calling. (Good)...

I don't know what will happen when he gets out. I think he is out of money, but maybe he has a little of his last paycheck left to buy more booze. Or maybe he'll start pawning my shit again like he used to do (my DVD's)-- asshole...

I am doing all this blogging on his computer, so when we break up I might not be able to blog for awhile, unless I find another computer to use. I am supossedly getting the internet turned off on Tuesday...I am waveringn on this issue, but I know I should...

Overwhelmed and Anxious....

I just have to much to do right now... Nothing life or death mind you... but you know when you say you'll do something, and then you can't right away because you are busy?....I feel like a horrible person, I can't keep up with my obligations. I haven't been returning phone calls, I forgot to email my sister for her birthday, I'm behind on my artwork, I've been slacking off at my day job ... and I'm sure there's more than that...

Sorry, I'm a little frazzled right now....these are just a few of the things...without getting into detail or anything...but something is going to have to give, I don't know what...I might have to "cut back" on my hobbies-- ie: my arts and crafts.....I love it, but it takes up so much time and I"m putting too much pressure on myself to make my art "perfect"...

I just want to sit, feel sorry for myself, and take a nice vacation.