Where I'm at

I'm trying to focus on me right now. For the last couple of years since my ex-fiance and I broke up I have been desperately trying to please and/or find another man. This has not served me well. In fact, it has distracted me, and prevented me from fully functioning and reaching my desired goals...It has led me down a self destructive path of self loathing, partying, and depression...fuck that. It's time for me now.

So here's what I'm doing:

1) going back to school this summer...I'm going to try and get a second bachelor's degree in nursing (the first one was in art 10 years ago)...I was accepted at a local college as a post-bac pre-nursing major...just gotta take 6 more classed, do well in them, and then I'm in the program...

2) trying not to let my problems hold me back. I have a disability (depression, anxiety, bulimia, and hairpulling)...but maybe if I was self sufficient it would be good for my self esteem, and these problems would lessen...I am pretty damn sure there have been people with greater obstacles who have achieved more. Let them be an inspiration to me and others :)

3) trying to be ok with being alone. I need to focus on me now. I can't make anyone else happy if I am not ok with myself. If the man of my dreams walks into my life, I won't push him away, but i AM NOT ON THE HUNT. I need to try to improve me...too much wasted time the last few years on others...

4) leading a healthier lifestyle...I'm exercizing a lot, taking vitamins, and partying less...not hanging so much with my alcoholic ex is helping with this-- I've made new friends who are healthier for me

5) trying not to be such a perfectionist. Being ok is good enough. I just want to be content with moments of happiness...I don't have to be Picasso..I just want to be self sufficient, and perhaps have a hubby??? Later though, I understand :)

we will see how this all goes...

Time to Focus on Myself

Another heartbreak. This time I feel in love with my best friend of 2 years. We had hooked up on and off for 1.5 years, and were also roomates for a year. I developed feelings for him, and appeared that he was starting to, but I messed it up by going out drinking all the time with an ex. I made some serious mistakes. I have regrets, and once again, just when I thought I found "the one," I am on my own again...I thought it would be a good time to once again acess what I want:

1) financial independence (get a good career, and off of disability)--perhaps in the medical field

2) stop obsessing about men who dont' want me

3) more productive as an artist-- complete more, adn get more shows/galleries/representation, etc...

4) fall in love and grow old with someone

5) be true to myself, do what I love, and not things to please others