Maybe I Should Stay out of Town a Little Longer...

I am nervous about going back home. I spoke with my ex yesterday afternoon, and I found out he had not yet contacted his mother for his rent money yet. His weekly rent is due on Friday/Saturday. He then said, "you're coming back on Saturday aren't you"? I informed him he better call his mom for money, because I'm not just going to show up on Saturday and pay his rent for him. What the fuck is his problem? His parents are loaded (seriously, they are)...and I am living off my savings account.

If I am not in the same state as he is, then how can he harass me for money? Other than potentially harassing my neighbors, and causing me more problems on the home front. I don't know what I will do yet. I don't know how to go about changing my plane ticket.

My Ex is Finally out of my Apartment

As far as I know...I am out of town right now-- in another state actually. The day before I left, I wrote a check for a week's rent at this rooming house, and got the keys back from my ex. He took most of his clothes there, and a few other things.

Luckily my asshole neighbor did not say anything to me in the last couple of days that I was there. The situation generally makes me paranoid though, as he is the building busy-body. He actually got a couple of ladies kicked off the condo board-- anyway, that's what I am dealing with.

So when I go back home, it should be peaceful. Should be...unless my ex starts harassing me for money for his rent. I hope not, as i have no income and am living off my savings account.

I do think there is "hope" though, you know? At least I kind of have him out of the apartment. His furniture is still there, but I had him sign a statement saying he left it there of his own accord, and I did not steal it. With a nut job like him, taking such precautions is necessary...

I'm Really Fucking Depressed...

I feel rather helpless right now. My boyfriend says he will be out by next week, but part of me is scared for him to go. I am across the country from "home" and I don't know a lot of people here. I feel alone a lot. I am not employed. My dad is paying my bills. I feel pathetic. I can't get a job because I am not qualified to do anything other than work in retail. I would get fired anyway. And if I even attempted to get another job I definitely won't win my disability case. Everything is fucked!

When I look at my boyfriend (ex boyfriend), I feel sad. I still love him, but there will always be the "next relapse" the "next job loss" the next "threat" or some sort. He terrifies me psychologically, but not physically. It's wierd-- he's always threatening to "sue me" if I throw him out, call the cops if I yell at him-- that kind of thing.

I hate my life right now. I really need to see a counselor of something, but I have no health insurance and i can't afford to see a counselor because i have no income. I think that's why i like blogging. It's my form of therapy.

Here's What's Going On...

So my boyfriend (soon to be ex boyfriend), was fired from yet another job. He then proceeded to go on a 5 day drinking binge and did not help me pay any of the bills this month. (So my checking account has mostly been depleted)...

He wound up in the ER on Thanksgiving, and they locked him up in some hospital (a state hostpital)? until Monday. I don't even know exactly where they are keeping him because I won't answer his phone calls. I talked to him once and said I don't want to talk to him. He called me like crazy on Friday and part of yesterday, but now he finally stopped calling. (Good)...

I don't know what will happen when he gets out. I think he is out of money, but maybe he has a little of his last paycheck left to buy more booze. Or maybe he'll start pawning my shit again like he used to do (my DVD's)-- asshole...

I am doing all this blogging on his computer, so when we break up I might not be able to blog for awhile, unless I find another computer to use. I am supossedly getting the internet turned off on Tuesday...I am waveringn on this issue, but I know I should...