Tyring to Make Peace With "The One Who Got Away"

Ah yes, back to Jeremy. Days later I am still thinking about this, and still trying to figure out why it is bothering me so much. Here is the conclusion I have come to:

1) I want what I can't have (I have always been like this-- the grass is always greener...)
2) He is seriously, probably the nicest person I have met in my life. Seriously.
3) He is a "stable" type-- ya know (not likely to go on a drinking/drugging binge and lose his job)
4) He saw the best in me when no other guys did (the "diamond in the rough" comment)
5) He would be an excellent father (and I'm sure he is with his baby he now has)
6) I miss his friendship-- he was fun, kind, and enjoyable
7) The fact that he found another woman makes me feel rejected....(I know, I know...but it DOES)
8) He is one of the funniest people I have ever met
9) I want what I can't have....

I'm sure there are more reasons, but these are the first things that pop into my head. I wonder if he ever thinks of me. I think about people from my past all the time...then again I have no life...I still wonder though....I miss him :( I can't have him :(....I wish I would have appreciated him back when it would have made a difference....he's happy now though. I'm glad for that. Just knowing that a person like him exists, somewhere in the world, makes me happy.

The One Who Got Away

We all have one of these right?...I happen to have 3 of them...true, 2 of them are from my childhood, which is VERY pathetic...but I like to hold on to my sweet childhood memories-- it's a time when I was happier and still had hope...

Anyway, the fella you see here, is the one I am referring to in this post. (And for the record, the picture doesn't look like him)...For the sake of anonymity, lets call him "Jeremy."...

Jeremy was someone I met when I was a freshman in college. He was very much a sweetheart, though somewhat socialy awkward, much like myself. I think this is what turned me off at the time...anyone like me must suck and not be worth my time...romantically speaking at least...

So naturally I spent my time being completely infatuated with his good friend, who I'll refer to as "Mike."...Mike was overly confident, and pretty average in most ways-- other than his overinflated ego, his well off family, and decent grades...

At the time I didn't understand just what I may have been doing to Jeremy...I told him about all the guys I was interested in of course...even though I knew he had feelings for me...I can't recall exactly how I knew this...I think Mike may have illuded to it...and also during a heartfelt conversation once, Jeremy told me I was "a diamond in the rough."...This is one of the best compliments I have ever received.

I lost touch with Jeremy after only 2 years of friendship. I was too busy feeling sorry for myself, and the rejection I was feeling from Mike, to spend time with any of them. A year or two later I found out that Jeremy had met someone...and once I saw her in person...she actually looked a lot like me! :O...that was very interesting...I would like to think she was his "replacement" for me, but that would be just completely narcisistic...Perhaps I was the "precursor" to her...She was the one he ultimately needed to be with, and perhaps I was a "hint" of what was to come, and what was better for him.

I found out they got married. And I just found out the had a child. There is no going back. He is no longer available...Perhaps he never was, even when he "technically" was... When a man starts a family with another women, he is no longer available...and if he makes himself available, (unless he is divorced), he is most likely a cad anyway...

Jeremy was kind to me, and saw the best in me when I was young, when nobody else did. I know he is the one who got away...and I think I knew this shortly after I left the friendship. I know though, that he is much better off without me. I could never had made him happy.