Why do I Want What I can't Have?... (Part 1)...

I have a feeling this will be a series... :O...

Tonight I stumbled upon an avatar out there on the internet (somewhere I often am)...and the dude looked just like "Mike"...I don't know how many regular readers I have here...but "Mike" was the guy I was obsessed with in college who totally toyed with my emotions...(not to be confused with "Jeremy", the total sweetheart-- the one who got away, who now has a kid)....

Mike was a very confident individual. I would say only average in terms of physical atrractiveness, but he totally led me on...Or it least, to a 19 year old, it felt that way. He taught me seductively how to tango, he let me draw him naked, I slept overnight at his house...yet he talked about "other girls" and had no apparent romantic interest in me...I often felt I was there to boost his ego. Asshole!...Attractive asshole...

I believe in retrospect I may have been drawn to his confidence..or maybe just because he didn't want me...I feel like if I saw him toda though, I still might have feelings..grossly enough...just based on my reaction this look alike avatar! :O...

Why do I still kind of want this guy! AHH!!! %^$#!!#$$

I no longer have the will power to be skinny...

Maybe it's because I'm getting older...or maybe it's because I've given up hope...I don't know..the only thing I do know is my metabolism has slowed some in the last year or two...yeah, hitting 30 fucking sucks...

I should not go to that "certain guy's" facebook page-- Jeremy, I belive I am calling him...or his wife's page...I can't even get a close up but it is obvious she is TINY!!!!! This was obvisous the one time I met her like 10 years ago when I was on the verge of death and I was like 100 pounds...(by the way, I'm much heavier than that now)...from her pic she couldnt' be more than 110...she' pretty , smart, and married to the one that got away...oh FUcK!!!!!... she was even in the alumni magazine...someone kill me now...well, I have no health care, so there is hope I might get cancer and it will go undetected until I am a week from death...

FUCK!!!!!! :O .....