Being Attractive By Being You...

This is a really cool post I read on another blog:

http://tobeme.wordpress.com/2009/08/28/being-attrative-by-being-you/#comment-15369

After reading this I couldnt help but aske myself, who the hell am I? I really don't feel attractive, though I recently started dating this hot air force guy within the last month. I have grown more and more insecure over the past week. After reading this post I wonder if it's because I am not being myself...so the question then is
WHO AM I???? Maybe if I figure it out and just be myself, I will feel better...However, I do find when I am being myself I am often ridiculted or critized, because part of being me is being hyper and vulger...Here's who I am...Who are you?

I am:

1) hyper and occassionally obnoxious...(surely someone out there may appreciate this, right)????

2) a romantic, although I am a tomboy

3) I swear like a sailor (bothers most people)

4) I am a good drawer, an OK painter

5) I love animals, especially dogs

6) I feel comfortable in comfortable loose fitting clothing...I don't like dressing seductively...I don't mind dressing "cute" though...

7) I am completely insecure...especially about my body and also my lack of career and money...

8) I want to grow old with a wonderful man and watch the sunset on the porch...with the dog of course...

9) I enjoy repetitive boring activities, and prefer not to deal with intense interpersonal situations with people I don't know...I have social anxiety problems...I should be an accountant...but I'm also scared of complicated computer programs and going back to school..

10) I fear life

IN SUMMARY: Being myself means accepting that I am insecure, and only deal with people who don't mind that I am a scrappy hyper tomboy who happens to swear a lot...no wonder I don't attract anyone...would this actually attract anyone???

I am in the dark place today...

I am Attracted to Someone Other Than my Boyfriend...

...oh shit...

And no...in case you are wondering, I have not acted on this yet...(did I just say YET)?...oh god...NO...I have not slept with someone else...(I have dirty thoughts though :O ....(and what's better...or worse?...is that this guy is apparently into me too)...

I belive part of the reason my mind wanders is my boyfriends lack of libido...He has absolutely no interest in sex. He has had no interest in sex since the beginning of our relationship, almost 4 years ago. At first I wondered if he was gay, then I wondered if it was me...then I came to the conclusion that perhaps he was just asexual...He never checks ANYONE out and is never in the mood...it is very bizzare...

So where does this leave me? I really have no idea. I am in a long term relationship, as is this fellow I have dirty thoughts about...

I would like to think I am not a loose woman (and I'm not)...I actually lost my virginity at an age much later than most of my peers)...so why do I feel guilty, for just THOUGHTS?...

I guess it's because I know they could become reality. This fellow and I have acknowleged attraction to one another. We talk with a flirtatious banter, and there have been "words exchanged"...There is just something about him. When he looks at me, it's almost erotic...it's like he's looking at me naked or something... When he talks to me, he actually takes an interest in me...he wants to know about me...it's not all about him. (I've found this somewhat rare with men-- it's very attractive though, when they want to know about you :)...

And he is just gorgeous...not traditionally gorgeous per say...but definitely gorgeous...and the way he looks at me like I am naked...Oh shit..I could be in for some trouble...or in the very least, some mental torture... :( ... :) ...