Maybe It's all Ok...

Really! :) It hit me all of a sudden. Maybe it's because I am no longer a kid, or "young adult"...I am an adult now...in terms of age, who I am, my needs, my wants, my interests....I am basically at that point where I know who I am.

Maybe it's OK if I'm not beautiful, I don't have the mega career...Maybe it's OK that I'm just me...(please bear in mind this may be the wine talking, but really, I am a poor, broke ass artist)...Now that I "look" a little older (ya know, some wrinkles and gray hair)..it's actually kind of freeing in a way)...

The only thing I have to go on is ability, talent...and luck?...pity if I'm lucky?...After feeling rather romantically rejected as of late I had this sudden burst of freedom. It was really rather interesting...for lack of a better adjective...Maybe all there is left is me :) Maybe "me" is Ok for once...:)?

Today I am frustrated...

Big surprise, right? :)

I'm not selling much of my artwork these days, in person, or on the internet...I don't know what to do really. I could blame the economy, but I won't. Reason being there are a number of other artist I know (in the real world) and also on the internet, who are doing all right in terms of sales...

I think I work in too many styles..I'm too ecclectic...to odd perhaps...I do some pretty stuff, maybe not enough?...I dont' want to sell out though. I dont't want to resort to that until I am on the verge of homelessness. My boyfriend just started a new job, so my unemployed ass is OK for now...(I would prefer to be contributing more though )....In my own non traditional manner...

Let's Hear it for Unemployment!

Yeah baby!!! (Imagine that said like Austin Powers).... :)

The good news is, I am not destitute...(not yet anyway)...With the help of my boyfriend and my Dad I can now pursue my art full time. (at least for now, until I am totally broke). Money will be tight, but I find I am in a better mood already, now that I am officially unemployed :)...Let me rephrase-- I am now self employed :)....I just don't fit into the 9 to 5 world....I'm too scrappy...I have too many quirks...I'm overly sensitive, I hate dressing up..I'm just plain weird...I would like to think I'm weird in a good way though! :)

So it turns out, perhaps, my fears of being "fired" were unfounded...I am now under the impression I was, indeed, laid off....Here's one bit of evidence-- they asked me if I could fill in this weekend! :)...I think if someone fires you they don't want you to "fill in"...and also my boss seemed happy when I said I would be willing to fill in on occassion when they needed me too :)...there are other things that reassured me I was laid off too, as opposed to being fired...certain changes were maid with the company to save money...eliminating my job position was just one part of it...

Anyway, enough about that crap! :) ....Now I just have to decide which style of art I want to pursue..I work in so many different styles, that some of my work doesn't even look like it was completed by the same artist...I don't mind really, but I'm wondering if I need more of a focus to gain some sort of success with it...We'll see...I'll probably write more on this subject later, but for now I've gotta run! :)