I hate my life immensely

You know those times in your life where everything just fucking sucks and you with you wouldn't have to wake up and deal with all the stupid fucking stressful shit? I am having one of those months. My ex relapsed, lost his job...I called "alex" who will no longer talk to me as a result, and my disability case is totally fucked. I recently discovered they don't even have one 20th of my documentation...no wonder I got rejected. (I hope my lawyer is good at his job)...

Anyway, I am alone and broke and haven't' had sex in over a month. I am very type A...perhaps i will have a heart attack and get lucky. (no worries people, I'm not suicidal...just extremely annoyed/pissed off and slightly depressed and feeling hopeless). I have no desire to be in a relationship ever again. I cannot deal with feeling so fucked over.

I Hate Main Stream Cutsie Shite...

And I do mean shite...

Perhaps I am a bit jaded...perhaps I am getting a bit older...but at least one thing does not change...Cute prevails!!!! FUCK CUTE!!!!!...

My entire life I have had to deal with beautiful cute people who always come out on top...and it they weren't, per say..."cute"....they were at least "main stream"...and could therefore be successful..

I am at that angry bitter point in my life where I am too old to be cute, too strange to be main stream, to anxiety riddent to go further with my education to attempt to rise above....I am jsut bitter and angry....and too pissed off to do anything but complain..but that is why I created this blog-- so if you want to say anything nasty, FUCK YOU-- I will delete your comment. I write this secret blog for thereaputic purposes...

I have come to the conclusion I can probably never be successful in any venture I head into...I should just get it over with and do really wierd art and not sell any of it...why not?...FUCK YOU fucking cute people.....

Today I am frustrated...

Big surprise, right? :)

I'm not selling much of my artwork these days, in person, or on the internet...I don't know what to do really. I could blame the economy, but I won't. Reason being there are a number of other artist I know (in the real world) and also on the internet, who are doing all right in terms of sales...

I think I work in too many styles..I'm too ecclectic...to odd perhaps...I do some pretty stuff, maybe not enough?...I dont' want to sell out though. I dont't want to resort to that until I am on the verge of homelessness. My boyfriend just started a new job, so my unemployed ass is OK for now...(I would prefer to be contributing more though )....In my own non traditional manner...