The last 3 months have fucking sucked ass. My ex boyfriend the alcholic almost made me homeless. (Long story)...The guy I fell in love with (and was stupid enough to cheat with) started ignoring me as a result (and was fucking yet another girl, other than me or his wife)....and I have no fucking income to speak of...my 63 year old father is paying my rent...and at my age, I know how pathetic that is...
I need to find a way to be self sufficent. Even if it means earning $7 per hour and living in a fucking trailor park. I hate my life. I don't hate men, but hate the men who have been involved in my life recently. I can't rely on them. I can only rely on myself. The scary part or course, is I have no job skills, other than the ability to draw a pretty picture-- not that that ever got me anywhere...
I am alone adn need to except that. I really wanted to get married someday, and maybe have a kid. I don't think that can/will happen though. I have maye 10 years left at best, or I'll have one of those "Palin babies"-- if you know what I mean...not to be un-PC, but seriously, a woman only has so long...
I need to change my life, but I don't know how. I've always been a sqaure peg trying to fit into a round hole. These are not good odds...
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4 comments:
I think we all find ourselves in that "rat race". Just scampering around on a wheel, getting nowhere. Take that chance and make a decision...no matter if its good or bad. Being passive can lead to addiction and denial. It may change how you feel about a problem but nothing really gets solved or goes anywhere. The only cure is to make a decision to do something......anything!
Your on a journey and your gonna find a way!!
ps~ I also obsess about becoming homeless AND not being married. I am scared that I will be that crazy ass cat women down the street!
Thanks BotLady! I hear ya-- I definitely need to make a decision one way or the other :) This "limbo" thing is not working for me....I hope you are OK too! :)
You hate the men who have been involved in your life? Bullshit sweetie. You are letting them in...right? And you tolerate them until it's too late. Damn girl! Wake up. I've told you before, I don't feel sorry at all for you. You've got talent. Use it! Go after your "dream" (and I hate that fucking word). No shit. Why do you feel (and I hate that fucking word too) the need to always have some bumb in your life? Get your shit in order first!
You bring up a good point Don. (And just to clear things up, I write this blog not for pity, but for theraputic purposes. It's my "diary" so to speak, and I like typing! :)I don't have a therapist, as I have no insurance..so I write about what I would like to talk about if I could...
I am trying to go for my dream. the depression makes it difficult, but I try to focus on my art
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