Facebook Tortures me...

yeah, it's so nice to see how far everyone has come, and all the grand things people are doing...

and for the record, I am in introvert and generally against such sights. I just joined because my boyfriend made me... :0

Anyway...I looked up "Jeremy" on facebook...if you recall...he was the one who "got away" back in college, is now married to a sucessful, intelligent woman, who somewhat resembles me physically...

And they have a beautiful daugher. I don't have access to all their info, but the wife used the daughter as an avatar. She is so lovely. I am happy for him. He deserves that...I know also, I could never have given him that stability or happiness, as i have so many fucking problems....I can't help be a little sad though...a little envious...for that "normal" life I most likely will never have...

Not Doing too good Tonight...

I'm thinking about too many things...the past, my family...people I know, and people I knew...I need to get rid of the nostalgic streak, but it haunts me...Not to be melodramatic, but it really does...I suppose it doesn't help that I've been listening to you tube videos all night...think Alanis Morissette, Willie Nelson, and Anne Murray...

Yes, I know, potentially self indulgent and pathetic, but in a strange way...it makes me feel better...the songs I listen to, I listen to for a specific reason...the remind me of a time in my life, a certain feeling...you know? There's something about music that does that. It transports me back in time-- Alanis Morissette to my late teen years and early 20's...Willie and Anne to my childhood years...when my mother was still here...I don't remember her well, but I know she loved me. I wish she was still here. I know she loved me. I don't know how, but I just know. And my Dad told me she kind of favored me...then she offed herself. Maybe that's why I'm so fucked up. I'm very introspective and I know how I feel. I usually know why I feel the way I feel. It doesn't change things though. It doesnt' make things better....Maybe I should paint about it. I just miss them.

PS: this is a sketch from long ago...I did this in Jeremy's dorm room...